Many people in chat rooms start comparing everything without even realizing it. With this person, it was easy and interesting, but with that one — somehow dull and uninteresting. Or the opposite: with one, everything is fast and exciting; with another, it’s slow and complicated. And the brain immediately jumps to the conclusion: “This is good, and that is bad.” The psychological consequences of comparing different chat sessions are precisely about how these conclusions then affect your mood and your overall attitude toward communication.
It’s easier to compare in text chats — there’s a chat history, and you can always reread it. In video chats, the comparison happens even faster. You see the person’s energy, their reactions, how they look and speak. And immediately, a thought pops into your head: “It was better with the last person” or “This one is somehow more interesting.” This is normal, but if you do it constantly, at some point you start to lose your sense of reality.
Why is all this important? Because constant comparison ultimately distorts your perception. You start expecting every new conversation to be “just like it was with that person.” Or, conversely, you set yourself up in advance to think that “everything will be worse.” As a result, you either end up disappointed or don’t give the new relationship a chance.
Without understanding all this, it’s easy to fall into a trap. You compare, you get upset, you compare even more — and the interaction stops bringing you any pleasure at all.
Main Risks and Dangers
- First — constant disappointment. When you compare your current chat to some “ideal” past, it almost always ends up being worse.
- Second — a loss of interest in meeting new people.
- Third — a distorted sense of self-worth. “I was more interesting with that person” or “I don’t communicate as well with this one.”
How to Deal with the Consequences of Comparing Different Conversations
- The key is to understand that every conversation is its own story. Comparing them to one another is almost always harmful.
- This is especially noticeable in video chats. You see real-time reactions and easily start drawing parallels with your previous conversation partners.
- Notice the moment when you start comparing. As soon as the thought “But it was better with that person” pops into your head, stop immediately. Just acknowledge it.
- Remind yourself that everyone is different. What worked with one person won’t necessarily work with another. It’s not about you — it’s about the chemistry.
- Don’t idealize past chats. We often only remember the good parts. Reality was almost always more complicated.
- In a video chat, pay attention to exactly what you’re comparing. Energy? Ease? Depth? Often, we’re comparing completely different things.
- If the comparison leads to disappointment, ask yourself, “What do I really want from this conversation?” Sometimes comparison is just a way to avoid genuine communication.
- Don’t use past chats as a benchmark. Every new person is a new story, not a continuation of the previous one.
- After a conversation, try not to compare right away. Give yourself time to simply sit with the experience, without judging it.
- If you notice that you compare often, try not to do it on purpose for a week. Just interact with people and notice how your perception changes.
Pros and Cons
Pros: Sometimes comparison can be motivating. “That person was interesting; I want to try to reach the same level.” This can spur further growth.
Cons: Most often, it leads to disappointment and a distorted view of reality. You start to devalue your current conversations simply because they’re completely different.
Common Mistakes
- Idealizing past chats. In your memory, they’re always better than they actually were.
- Comparing apples to oranges. One chat was short and lighthearted; another was longer and more profound. These are completely different things.
- Jumping to conclusions. “This one’s worse, so the conversation didn’t go well.” Sometimes you just need a little more time.
- Comparing yourself. “I was more interesting with that person.” This isn’t about the other person anymore — it’s about your self-esteem.
Comparing Approaches
| Aspect | Constant comparison | Focus on the current conversation |
|---|---|---|
| Level of disappointment | High | Lower |
| Ability to see the person | Low | Higher |
| Internal state | Often tense | Calmer |
| In video chats | The comparison is faster and more vivid | It’s easier to stay in the moment |
When you stop comparing, communication invariably becomes more honest.
FAQ
Why do we compare different chats so often?
Because the brain loves to look for patterns. It tries to figure out what “works” and what doesn’t. But in the end, this gets in the way more often than it helps.
How can you tell when comparing is doing a lot of harm?
If, after most conversations, you feel disappointed or think, “It was better with that person” — that’s already a big problem.
Can comparison be used to your advantage?
Sometimes, yes. If you notice that communication goes better with someone else, you can think about what exactly you’re doing differently. But this should be a rare exception, not a habit.
What should you do when you’ve already started comparing?
Stop. Remind yourself that this is a completely different person and a different situation. Bring your attention back to what’s happening right now.
Does video chat make comparisons more intense?
Yes. Video provides more information, so it’s easier and faster to compare. The effect is much stronger.
How can you stop comparing yourself to others?
Practice mindfulness. As soon as you notice yourself comparing, acknowledge it and return to the current conversation. Over time, it gets easier.
Is it possible to completely get rid of comparison?
Completely — probably not. But you can greatly reduce its impact by consistently bringing your attention back to the present moment.
A Final Thought. Comparing different chats almost always distorts your perception and is guaranteed to lead to disappointment. Every conversation is a unique story, and trying to measure them all by the same yardstick is almost always counterproductive. This is especially noticeable in video chats. The key is to learn to recognize when you’re making comparisons and to refocus on what’s actually happening to you right now. Then, communication becomes more honest and much more peaceful.